Growth From Conflict

Conflict doesn't have to be bad or something we avoid. Instead we should engage in it with a growth mindset.

In many areas of my life there is conflict physically but also mentally and socially. In each area we can view these conflicts as negatives but also opportunities for growth. I personally have found the most personal growth results from what others would view as conflict. In many ways the rogue life tends to find itself often immersed in conflict that seems to swirl in a torrent around you. Where others shy away, you find a peace and center, for in this there is growth and solutions.

“I fly like an atom bomb

In a world riddled with conflict

Hate that you need me

Wanna destroy me but you can’t

You're gonna deploy me in the end

Better believe that I'ma be me 'til the death of me, oh yeah” - Skylar Grey - Wreak Havoc

The first thing you should be aware of is yourself. Did you create conflict out of a lack of self-awareness? Is the conflict an emotional response to something either internal or something you projected externally? For example, there are seldom things that hold as much weight as someone you respect calling you out on something you have done. It can be shocking and impact you in such a way that you respond out of emotion to constructive feedback. Rogues are often the tip of spear, so to speak, in change. As such not every idea is a good one and not every chance for change is the perfect moment. Through self-awareness we find that many emotions are at play in all things. Assess the emotional response and work through it. The fact that something engages you emotionally doesn’t mean it’s an error. Responding out of emotion is the gap that the opposition can exploit though, and that is not acceptable. Take a breath and assess the response for what it is but then isolate it so you can make a clear and informed decision.

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” - Thomas Paine

Understand that you are not the only one involved. As the saying goes, the enemy gets a vote and in all things this is true. Just because you want to seek a peaceful and well thought out resolution doesn’t mean everyone involved does. Even in ourselves sometimes we must acknowledge that at times we want to fight. This isn’t a grave sin that cannot be reconciled but we must enter the conflict with understanding so we cannot be exploited. Accept that you do not control all the parties involved or what path they took to get there. In this acceptance you gain understanding of motivations. In the end you can only control your own responses to stimulus. We don’t always get to pick the fight we find ourselves in or what we bring with us to the fight. Rogues consistently give it everything they have once they find themselves in conflict. Innovation is something we can ill afford to leave behind after the planning phase, if we even get one.

“Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible - the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has chosen.” - Andrew Bernstein

Fight your friends if you want to see the quality of the company you keep. This can mean physically if you and your group are that type of people, and I hope you are. Debate, argue, push, and reforge each other into sharper edges of who are and who you could be. Your friends should never let you be satisfied with yourself, and you should do the same for them. Too often great potential is wasted on people who settle. Rogues are always in motion, either improving skills they have or learning new ones. If you have a level of education, get another one. If you believe you have mastered a skill (you probably haven’t really – See Rogue Rules), then find a new one. If you can fight your way out of a situation then learn to never get into that situation. The toolbox is never full unless you close it and that’s you stopping you. The road to improvement should be exhausting and leave you gasping as you cross one summit to only set your eyes on the next. If I could impart one thing to people, I see struggling with their identity it is that there is nothing to identify, and you should shift like the sands to the next pattern as needed. You are a work that ends when you take your last breath, until then we keep working.

“Knowledge doesn't really form part of human nature. Conflict, combat, the outcome of the combat, and, consequently, risk and chance are what gives rise to knowledge. Knowledge is not instinctive; it is counter instinctive, just as it is not natural but counter natural.” - Michel Foucault

Lastly once there is no other way forward except conflict, don’t shy away from it. Regardless of how you got there, you’re in it so embrace it. There are never-ending stories about conflict, and I personally find very few things less engaging than a good fight. Nothing will go as planned so plan for that and you will be well equipped to fight. Take the lessons the fight gives and bathe in them so you can come out that much better. Detach yourself from the outcome because it’s inevitable that there will be one. I’m not saying surrender, I’m saying once you are committed to a fight then engage with everything you have. When I was asked how I felt about combat I reflected that the opposition, like myself, decided to pick up a weapon and engage in something we knew could cost us our lives. There is no ill will attached to this sentiment but only the acceptance that we both made a decision, and it could go either way.

“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” - Epictetus

If I could give a gift to people, it would be the feeling associated with risking it all. Sometimes you get the ultimate rush and in other times, the dread of failure but in both you should come out with a growth that only those feelings can give you. No one remembers the ones who didn’t fight for something in some form. If nothing else fight for your own growth and do it till you have nothing left.

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